Dear African Mothers,
Let me start with you. PLEASE I beg you in the name of God, teach your sons, even the grown ones, that RESPECT is a two way street. As much as he demands respect from his wife, he must also respect her. Your daughter-in-love should not have to suffer the same way you may have. You can actually make a contribution to changing the cycle. Let us teach our sons that as husbands, they have a responsibility towards their wives and that responsibility includes her emotional well-being.
This mentality that women should respect their husbands “no matter what” is rampant everywhere and it is sending too many women to early graves. Likewise those who have been talked into staying in dysfunctional marriages, when it is clear that they married someone whom they were not equally yoked with in the first place.
For all the Bible bashers who are quick to remind women of their role as the weaker gender, yes the Bible says that women must be subservient to their husbands and respect them. I agree and by nature I myself am a nurturer, serial forgiver and everlasting lover. I am a very traditional woman who believes that my husband is the head of my household. My love is King. But Queens are not punching bags. Let us not forget that the Bible also says husbands should HONOUR their wives.
1. high respect; great esteem:
2. the quality of knowing and doing what is morally right:
3. something regarded as a rare opportunity and bringing pride and pleasure; a privilege.
Here are some less talked about Bible quotations on the issue of men relating with their wives:
1 Peter 3:7: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
Colossians 3:19: “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
LOVE YOUR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH! Let that sink in please.
So now what about the women who “zip it” but are still suffering in silence until they end up silenced for good in their graves?
So according to Mr Edochie, because I am a proud African woman, I should respect my husband “even if he doesn’t know what he is doing”? If my husband says we should enter fire and I can see for myself that it is a bad decision, I cannot voice an opinion? Out of respect, I should follow him and get burnt? With all my senses and faculties in tact?
Are we as women not meant to be partners and help mates? The fact that we can use social media, a modern day invention, to spew such archaic views is ironic and troubling in so many ways. Also, with all due respect to Mr Edochie and others, people who have a platform also have a responsibility and should use it wisely instead of promoting biased, one-sided views.
When a women gets raped, they ask what was she wearing. She gets beaten up black and blue, they ask her what did she do. This way of thinking is endemic in misogynistic and patriarchal settings and it is very dangerous.
I wish there were as many videos encouraging men to stop it because violence is wrong full stop! You are not honouring your wife by telling her to shut up or talking to her as though she is your first born. A real man will never raise his fists to damage his wife – the weaker vessel. No matter what.
Yes Yul Edochie mentioned this briefly at the beginning of his video but his core message was for women to know when to keep quiet. There are more than enough videos like his, sadly from men and women, instructing women to know when to zip it. Yes men can be victims too and the same applies. There is absolutely no reason why a woman should raise her hand to hit her husband. If as a woman you decide to disrespect your husband to the point of hitting him then whatever follows is your cross to bear. YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN.
But the truth is we don’t have rampant cases where men are dying as a result of domestic violence. Sometimes a woman is simply asking questions to help bring solutions and her man will call it nagging and distrust and accuse her of challenging his authority. Why can’t she bring what she has to offer to the table?
You talk down to me, insult me and expect respect? In the biblical days men shouldered the financial responsibility of the home. These days some women are equal breadwinners and equal bill payers. If after making my own contributions to the home, I am overcome with emotions because my husband does something to dishonour me and our home like cheating on me and spending his salary on his girlfriend while myself and the kids go without, or he gambles away our life savings on some money doubling scam that I warned him against, I will never raise my hand to hit him but I am human and my heart is not made of stone or bone so I might get disrespectful and raise my voice and guess what?
I STILL DO NOT DESERVE TO GET HIT!
Welcome to SagaCity. A social commentary column by @wurathepenwarrior, for 9ja
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